What's happening jokes

What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.

What happened when the American broke his arm?

He went broke.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?

*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

Q: What happens when emos make out?

A: They don't; they just hang out.

Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"

Mom: "He got inside a white van."

What happened to the guy who tried to catch fog?

He mist.

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?

A: Pulled pork.

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."

The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”

What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?

Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.

What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?

The tree leaves him hanging :)

What happens when a frog's car breaks down?

It gets toad away!

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?

It left him hanging.