Current events jokes
Ukraine.
There hasnβt been 3 months of peace in this country since 2019. Jesus, take the wheel.
These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.
What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?
I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.
BLM.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.
"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."
George Floyd is truly breathtaking.
Have you heard of the current event in Africa? Itβs called the Hunger Games.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
No one shuts up about them.
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
I donβt see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
George Floyd was in a TV show, Fresh Prince, with no air.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
Ya know, genders are kind of like the Twin Towers.
There used to be 2 of them, but now itβs a touchy subject.
I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:
"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."
....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.
RIP Meh Soul.
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.