Circumstances jokes

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)

The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!

Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.