Circumstances jokes

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)

The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!

Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.