Circumstances jokes

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)

The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!

Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.

Person: Why'd you stop?

Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.