Weapon jokes
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
Americans:
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
School shooting happens:
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk.
American student: “First time?”
The student from Irak with an AK47: "RAtatata..."
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.