Weapon jokes
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
Memes
Americans:
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
School shooting happens:
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk.
American student: “First time?”
The student from Irak with an AK47: "RAtatata..."
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.