Combat

Combat jokes

Taliban

    • Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.

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    • War

    • "Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."

    - Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

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    • Friend

    • My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

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    • Combat memes

    Confucius

    • Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time, and you only hurt yourself.

    Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow... then you in trouble!

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    • Lag

    • "If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."

    -- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

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    • School Shooter

    • The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.

    Shovel

    • During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!

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    • Russian Forces

    • I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.

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    • Atom

    • Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

    "Are you sure?" asks the other.

    "I'm positive!"

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    • Kingdom

    • Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

    The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

    The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

    The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

    And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

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    • Scratch

    • People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

    And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"