Weapon jokes
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
Americans:
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
"I think my draco might be gay. Why? 'Cause he blow niggas."
Nardo Wick
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!