Defense jokes
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
No one.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
What kind of cheese protects castles?
MOAT-zerrela.
Why is American bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
Why is America bad at Clash Royale?
Because they can't defend their towers.
Q: Why are Americans bad at Clash Of Clans?
A: They already lost two towers.