Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
What kind of cheese protects castles?
MOAT-zerrela.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Why is American bad at clash of clans
Because they already lost 2 towers
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
