Defense

Defense Jokes

Suicide

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

Sofa

How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?

He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!

Bill Cosby

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

Military

Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.

Rape

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

Self-defense

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

Bear

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

Weapon

What is the strongest weapon in India?

The red button (this is a fact).

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  • Case

    What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.

    Tower

    Why is American bad at Clash of Clans?

    Because they already lost 2 towers.

    Constitution

    Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

    Case

    Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

    Tower

    Why is America bad at Clash Royale?

    Because they can't defend their towers.

    Tower

    Q: Why are Americans bad at Clash Of Clans?

    A: They already lost two towers.