Defense jokes
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."
Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!
Your hairline recedes so far back that it defends your forehead.
It’s so sad because Stephen Hawking can’t even stand up for himself after all these mean jokes.
I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.
But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
Why is America bad at Clash Royale?
Because they can't defend their towers.
Why is American bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
jacethehater, you are a hater, and it needs to stop! Waterhsharky is very nice to people, so leave him alone for whatever he/she did or did not do. He did not do nothing. So leave him/her alone. Plus, making threats to people is very bad, and comments can be seen everywhere! So don't get too cocky with everything.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.