Weapon jokes

What does it take to paint a wall red?

Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

What is the difference between a knife and a feminist?

A knife has a point.

School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."

I beat up my twin friends with a plane.

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

What did the knife say to the other knife?

"Knife to meet you."

What do you get when you eat a hamburger?

Mustard gas.

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

How do you kill time?

Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.

What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?

An orphan.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.

Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.

Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a grenade. Then he threw the grenade.