In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.
I gave a blind kid a gun, telling him it was a hair drier.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
