Vs jokes
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Alien vs Predator.
Cosby vs E.T.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker? Hookers come back.
Why does air not come down? I think gravity didn't like the Facebook page of air.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet? Beets stain your teeth.
Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
Little girls cry. Big girls say, "F*ck."
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.