Stoner jokes

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.

He was high on my list of priorities.

What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

What do you call a stoner when horny?

A weed whacker!

Why did the stoner cross the road?

He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's.

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?

A baked potato.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

Neither has he.

The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I saw it through my telescope last night.

I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.