Washing Machine jokes

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?

I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.

What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?

Michael Jackson's lipstick.

How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?

They both got bleached!

What's a person with Down syndrome's favorite detergent?

Downy.

A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.

The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.

After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.

Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?

Son: Why?

Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?

They both like keeping one sock for themselves.

Why was the washing machine laughing?

It was taking the piss out of the knickers!

Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

I put a Dalmatian in a washing machine and killed him.