The 70+ Best Match Jokes

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.

5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

How do u turn a baby into a dog? Douse it in gasoline- light a match-*WOOF*

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

You know, Ebay sucks. I was looking for a lighter and it gave me 18,906 matches

There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt........ Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't

Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve? Answer; Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

Give a man a match he'll be warm for a while but set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Once I went to watch a match in protugol it was between penaldo and his kids the Refree was Georgiana(his wife) mpaypal and igayspeed were also there the match begin and his kids scored 2 goals in first 10 minutes and during when match was about to end penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties his wife declined and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them ) but won 3-2. Shame on u penaldo 😡😡😡

on september 11th 2001 the new york giants lost against the jets.

Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

sounds like a match made in heaven

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis? Cause that's the only way they get love.

I Googled "How to start a Wildfire". It gave me 28,452 matches.

I was playing football with my friends and i got tackled and got a penalty suddenly the ground started shaking and penaldo emerged from the mud and he till the penalty but since it wasn’t andorra he missed. Shame on you penaldo!

My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.

We all yelled "Rocket league"

One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word bank in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word Bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”