What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
What does Batman have that Superman doesn't?
The ability to visit his biological parents' grave.
I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.
Why did the rapper visit the farm?
To drop some FRESH BEETS!
Mike, ID is coming tonight.
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
Son: âMom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?â
Mother: âNo Son, unless if heâs gay.â
Son: âSo your friend is gay?â
Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»
Mother: âMmm.. Yes.â
Father loudly: âYES!!!â
Mother: âWhat in the hell? Are you gay?â
Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered Iâm gay and her son was made by Paulâs semens she will kill me»
Father: âNo what are saying? Iâm just talking with myself.â
*A few hours later*
Mother: âI will go to visit my mother.â
Father: âMe too I will go to visit my mother.â
Son: âNot me too I will go to stud with my friends.â
The mother and the father goes to michaelâs house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «thatâs why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
Why did the rapper visit the bank?
To get his RHYME CHECK.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the idiot.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
*Silence*
Roses are red, violets are blue, all these orphan jokes have ruined this site. Fuck you!
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Mrs. Mallara's boobs were (69) pounds. She said that was too too too much (69222), so she went to 51st Street (6922251) to visit Doctor X (6922251 x), and the surgery lasted 8 hours (6922251 x 8).
She ended up (the total flipped upside down spells boobless) (=)55378008
Thomas Bulgin loves McDonald's dollars, A man of simple tastes, he hollers, With every visit, his heart does flutter, For golden arches, a fast food lover.
Those crispy fries, so perfectly fried, And burgers stacked, oh so high, The smell of grease, it fills the air, Thomas Bulgin, he'll always be there.
A dollar menu, his saving grace, A feast for him, a smile on his face, He counts his coins, with eager eyes, To savor each bite, a little prize.
In this world of fast-paced lives, Thomas Bulgin, he surely thrives, For in those golden arches, he finds, A moment of joy, that forever binds.
He cares not for gourmet cuisine, Nor fancy plates, fit for a queen, For in his heart, a simple truth, McDonald's dollars, his fountain of youth.
So let him eat, and let him feast, Thomas Bulgin, the fast food beast, For in those golden arches, he's found, A taste of happiness, unbound.
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.
Why do you have to pay to see Russian people?
Because the zoo is not free, Duhhhhhđ
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
