A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

My Llama’s cousin sucks at going on vacation.

He just stands there; “I’ll pack uhhhh…”

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don’t you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!

Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

I went on a one in a life time vacation never again

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie

Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it

I went to pen island for vacation this summer, there were a lot of bones

What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation? Do you need help packing your shit?

So Steph Curry and Lebron Jame went on a vacation and Steph Curry said try not to travel

Why did the cow cross the road? Because the chicken was on vacation

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie

A whale went to the country Wales for vacation. When it ended, what did he say? “I had a whale of a time!”

Where does a pianist go on vacation?

The Florida Keys.

You never told me you were part orangutan, have you considered taking a vacation to Planet of the Apes?

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