Destination jokes
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
Where do all orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
Where did George go?
Washington, D.C.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?
Everywhere.
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
Where do pencils go on holiday? Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?
The Milky Way!
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.