As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks “what’s the purpose of your visit?”... “I’m going to shoot a pilot” is never a good answer
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden. He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, " You have to dig a little."
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old ladies house...
Oh my! Goodness sakes child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both
Time to go to New York to visit the twin towers.
They’re already getting closer
GIRL: wanna come over to my house ORPHAN: i have to ask if my parents come home
I'm so poor, that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say Ding Dong!
me: i did just come home from africa and guess what i saw. friend: i dont know. me: a black market.
BFF:DUDE, COME OVER TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!
Me:What no way its 2:58 am
BFF:but i just found my brothers secret stash of oreos!!!!!
Me:I'll be over in 5 minutes
a kid went to visit his bully and he says "hows your face" and the kid says "hows your parents" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday. Oh, don't worry, he's okay now. But the vet charged me six quid.
whyed joe biden go to the hospitle because he couldnt stop Putin
Why did Daveon go to the doctor? Because he was feeling 'daveon' in the dumps.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
When we were visiting the hoover dam. I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Wheres the dam snack bar?"
A Pedphile brings his Eight year old Daughter to the doctors office. The doctor asked her if she would like some Candy? Her father replies please no more candy for her i gave her enough today.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To visit the ugly witches house Knock Knock... Who's there? The CHICKEN
One day my pet bark at me and so I got scared anWas my dad actually it was weird you should’ve saw him and so the goes on in the day because he likes to run around The house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away." the next time my Aunt visited she said "Where is you daughter?" my Mom said "I took your advice"
A Japanese man goes to the dentist after being there for a while, the dentist ask “ How of do you floss your teeth? The jap said “ after every meal”, when they finish up the dentist turns to him and “says you need to floss your eyes more, I can still see them”
Attention everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future but for now: Goodbye.
