Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
If you were a food, what would you be?
Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."
Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."
Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?? None cause they can’t press play
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?" "Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then your hard boiled, that’s all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be KITTEN me.” Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He B*NED her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
WHY IS THE MOON RED TODAY?The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.
SHAENAYA WANTS TO SUCK EVERYBOYS DICK BESIDES MINE CAUSE SHE A THIRSTY HOE
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.
Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
Why is 10 so scared? Cause it was in the middle of 9/11.
