Vision Jokes

You dream in 4K.

"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."

Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.

God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.

Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

Why are blinds called blinds?

Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!

Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?

Because she’s dead.

Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.

When I look in your eyes, I always see something: my reflection. 😂

What do you call Yakub with no eyes?

No eyes Yakub.

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

POOP!

My friend is blind so he can "no see."

What do you call a dick with three eyes?

Preston.

If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.

What is a blind person's favorite color?

Black.

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.