Dear Jokes

Dear math,

please grow up and solve your own problems I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

Three guy are in the woods, a a really smart guy, an average, and a really dumb guy, they bored so the smart guy decides to go hunting a little while later he comes back with a dear, the average guy asks how do did you do that? The really smart guy says says I see dear tracks I fallow dear tracks, I see dear I shoot dear. The average guy say I think I understand and leaves, an little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb goes *gasp* how did you do that!?. And the average looks at him funny and says well I see raccoon tracks I fallow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon I shoot raccoon. The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says Oooohh, ok I thiNo I can do that.. and leaves. Hours pass and and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mingled. They run to help him. Finally one of the guys ask him what happened this is what he said: I see train tracks, I fallow train tracks. I see train I shoot train. But train keep coming.

dear slim shady

balls

What's a pirate's favourite letter?

(People will then say r)

Arrr, you think it be r but really it's the C that they love.

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material and your internet will be cut off.

I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn't giving birth the bloody car would not start .

Old soviet joke. Who is your mother? Our great Soviet country. Who is your father? Our dear comrade Stalin. What's your greatest desire? Becoming an orphan.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Dear Autocorrect i never wanted to spell the Word "bigger"

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

I have no eye idea!

A married woman asked her husband if he saw future then the husband answered her " I have no Eye dear"

Me: Wanna hear a joke? Person: Sure Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life. But my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning Person: Dear god..

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them saying "God will surely save me."

The medical team tries to help him but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B**** I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"

Dear clothing websites if it's put of stock DO NOT ADVERTISE IT

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

Whaddaya got when ya got yourself a deer with no eyes?

Ya got no-eye-dear.

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?" Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father..."

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.