Violence jokes

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

Here is a joke: Rape.

How many kids does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂

Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?

She said a monster attacked her.

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?

He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.

Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?

Kid: AK!

Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿‍♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻

Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."

"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it.

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

What do you call a violent fish?

A smackeral!