Violence jokes
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?
Their ankles.
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?
Because that's the average classroom size.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
Here is a joke: Rape.
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?