Violence jokes
What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?
Their ankles.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
If you're bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
experiment
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It's not like it can tell its parents.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.