Violence jokes

One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.

What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?

Hitting it off with a cricket bat.

There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.

What's a knife's favorite person?

The victim.

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.

Video games don't make people violent, lag does.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?

Push?! He fell...

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.

What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?

The child has no trouble shooting.

Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.

What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

...A girl scout that got hit by a car.

Why did Sally get a black eye?

Because she tried to play patty cake.

If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.