Violence jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?

They get choked.

The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Get in the van, or I'll kill you.

Teacher: What month is it?

Quiet kid: AUG-ust.

Classroom: Visible concern.

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.

How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?

By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4

LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.

I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂

What do you do when you're bored?

I beat up orphans.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!