Violence jokes

When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,

but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.

*Is honestly the best policy.*

I took a special needs child to a shooting range.

Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4

LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.

I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...

What's worse than 10 babies nailed to one tree?

One baby nailed to 10 trees.

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!

What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

What do you do when you're bored?

I beat up orphans.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

I raped a disabled child.

I think she's too far gone to repair now.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.

*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*

*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*

Well what am I gonna do now...

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.