Violence jokes

I'm a rapist.

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up?

He pressed the red button.

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."

What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

You shoot him in the face.

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

Like if your dad is abusive.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.