Violence jokes

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up?

He pressed the red button.

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.

We all yelled "Rocket league!"

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

I'm a rapist.

What's the difference between an onion and a baby?

One makes you cry when you cut it up.

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

You shoot him in the face.

What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?

- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.