Violence jokes
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
Did you know pigeons die after sex? At least when I fucked it.
What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?
Special Forces incoming!
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
Guns control.
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
Rizz.
Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?
Why did Billy fall off his bike?
Because his dad threw a chair at him.
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.