Violence jokes

What's the difference between an onion and a baby?

One makes you cry when you cut it up.

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.

What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?

One baby nailed to ten trees.

What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?

- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...

If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.

What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.

What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.

Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.

I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: You slap her.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I've got 5 fingers, she will get 2.