Violence jokes
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.