Violence jokes
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
I kicked a goose, and I liked it!
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
Sonic says: If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
What do you call a terrorist at a cinema?
A box office bomb.
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.