Violence jokes
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
I'm a rapist.