Violence jokes
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."
Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.
He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*