Violence jokes
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."