Violence jokes

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.

When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.

When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.

When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.

"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.

How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.

What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?

"Face the wall!"

Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Why did the serial killer let the guy in a wheelchair go? Because the guy didn’t really have any body for the serial killer to stab.

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.