Violence jokes

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?

Everywhere!

What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?

Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.

A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.

Rape is a touchy subject.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

Teacher: What is the moral even?

Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?

Because they practice at the best schools.

Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't told her twice already.

How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?

Turn on the gas chamber.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.

The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

What is the best thing about being back?

Free bullets.

A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"

What goes 200 mph and is red?

Babies in a blender.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.

In my basement.

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?

“Here comes the airplane!”