Violence jokes
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
Why did the clown fall off his bike?
Because the neighbor threw a washing machine at him.
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂
aiyyaaaaaaa
What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.