Violence Jokes

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach. She asked me why the hell did I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...

if raping someone is sexual harrasment, then is raping a rapist inverted harrasment?

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said “THATS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” the man replied with “no, it’s not domestic violence it’s DUMBASS-D*CK VIOLENCE”

If I called you gay you would probably hit me with your purse

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

I’d make a rape joke but but ion wanna force that on you too

What the similarities of GTA V and 9/11. A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.

So if Russia was the motherland in Germany was the fatherland what that mean? The western front is domestic violence

What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer? Helen Killer

Why did the school shooter earn extra points? Bcz he was on a kill streak.

What a school shooter favorites song

Pumped up kicks

Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets? That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.

So as a school shooter, I try to remember my abc's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN! And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speaks to me about the rest.