I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
1 like = 1 more missile aimed at a hospital.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
*School shooting happens.*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*
American student: "First time?"
Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"
American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.
Now we wait...
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up?
He pressed the red button.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
