Violence jokes

What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.

The terrorists got a killstreak of 2,996; they are popping off, bro.

An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.

Man: "Hey, cute lady!"

Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."

Man: "Not for long!"

And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.

Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"

Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."

Woman: "Never."

And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.

Man: "You look like a dream."

Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"

Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"

And then the man orders flowers and candy.

Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."

And the man shoots the bartender.

Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

What is 1 + 1?

They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

Alahu-Akbar.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.

Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

I once got raped. I was asking for it though.

What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.

I gotta do terrorist :)

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun in a blender.

Sonic says if you're bored, go punch an orphan. I mean, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

It’s not like they can tell their parents.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.