Violence jokes
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
Are you a knife?
Because I want to deep throat you.
A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
One's alive at the bottom.
What's even worse than THAT?
It eats it's way out.
Wait it gets worse...
It goes back for seconds.
Just one more I swear...
It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.