Violence jokes

What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?

That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.

You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?

...Rape.

Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?

They are more open-minded.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.

School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

How do you make a baby cry? You punch it in the face.

What do you call a five year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.

If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan because what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.

Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.

What's black and white and red all over? A police brutality case.

"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."

"Oh no, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Oh, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."