Violence jokes
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It's not like they're going to tell their parents.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.
Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
A skinny black person named "Treyvon Robinson" joins a pickup basketball game at the local court, trash-talking about his "superior athletic genes" while munching on a stolen bag of Skittles. The ref blows the whistle for a foul, and he argues, "That ain't fair, I'm just naturally dominant!"
But the team's coach, a burly black dude who's been eyeing him all game, grabs him by the jersey, blindfolds him with a sweaty headband, slathers lube from his gym bag all over, and pile-drives his ass courtside in a twisted BDSM slam dunk, yelling, "Now taste the rainbow, punk!"
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because someone booted her in the face. 🤣🤣
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"