Violence jokes
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
How are abortion and rape different? At least the rape victim usually deserves it and isn't defenseless.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.
During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.
Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have no balls, neither will you. 🔪🔪
How do you make a baby cry? You punch it in the face.
What's black and white and red all over? A police brutality case.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bum.
Bum who?
Bum holding a pistol!
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...