Violence jokes
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
Like if your dad is abusive.
If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.