Violence jokes
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
What is black, white, and red all over? My third wife.
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
What does lmao launching missiles at orphanage mean?
I don't know, but it's messed up.
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?
Dying alone.
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?
A: With a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.