Violence jokes

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"

So I threw my dictionary at her.

Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.

Bored? Beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Raping white women should be encouraged everywhere!

What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.

Get a head in life by decapitating someone.

Guys, you know any best rape roleplay? (I'm a guy, btw.)

what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?

Debris.

What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.

[being buried alive]

Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?

When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.

By the way, have you seen my sister?

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

What do you call anal rape?

Ass cream.