A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus.

Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.

A baby skunk’s mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn’t know what he is. So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks ‘What are you?’, the baby bunny replies ‘Well I’m a baby bunny. What are you?’ the baby skunk says 'Well I don’t know am I a baby bunny too?' the baby bunny says ‘No you’re not a baby bunny.’ so the baby skunk asks 'Well what am I then?' the baby bunny replies ‘Well you’re not exactly blank and you’re not exactly white so you must be Mexican.’

Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn’t hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

What happened to the blind man’s son. He thought he was hitting a pinyata.

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

what did Chris Brown say when he saw Rhianna

“I’d hit that”

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Why did Mary fall off the swings? She got hit by a refrigerator

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left?

What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he’s stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

what is the difference between a baby and a watermelon, one smashes open when you hit it with a sledge hammer and the other is a water melon

Girls are like blackjack you shoot for 21 but I keep hitting 14

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