Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student:The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher:She drowned?!

Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

Whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting ‘Remind me later’ on his Windows Updates.

what did Chris Brown say when he saw Rhianna

“I’d hit that”

What happened to the blind man’s son. He thought he was hitting a pinyata.

If a person in a wheel chair runs you over, can you call it a Hit and Can´t Run

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first?

The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.

Why did i walk across the road?

to get hit by a car

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus.

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

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