Violence jokes
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan!
What are they gonna do...tell their parents?
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's Sketchers light up.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
35! Do you have a problem with that?
How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why did the guy run because the girl ripped his penis off?
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
Murder: Wanna play a game?
Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.