Violence jokes

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.

Murder: Wanna play a game?

Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)

A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.

How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?

I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.

Roses are red, I have a confession:

A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.

Me: 911, I just killed someone.

Cops: Cool, we will not come.

Me: Why?

Cops: Don't admit a crime.

Phones: *Bang Bang*

Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.

You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Stranger.

Stranger who?

Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?

Why are school shootings branded “very American”?

1. They usually happen in the USA.

2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.

I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.

Would you rather:

Fight Mike Tyson

Or

Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?

When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.

What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!

What's black, white, and red all over?

Lossvagus school shooting.

Ever heard of rape jokes?

No?

Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!

What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?

Killing the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.

Little Johnny brought a baseball bat to school.

The teacher asked why he had one. He said, "I need it to beat up the principal!"

When the principal found out what Little Johnny had said, well, let’s just say Little Johnny didn’t need no baseball bat to kill him.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.