Bruise

Bruise jokes

Guy

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

"Boxing?"

"No, ... hurdles."

  • 2
  • 1
  • Blind

    Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

    Her boyfriend was blind too.

  • 5
  • Blood

    Blood is red.

    Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

    Memes

    Sex

    My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

    You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

    Sex

    My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

    Man

    One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

    Work

    It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

    I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

    Face

    It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!

    Woman

    What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?

    "Will you listen now?!??"

    Memes

    Community

    Hello, my name is Brenda. Imagine for a second that you’re me: An adult orphan kicked out of foster care at the tender age of 18. No family. No money. No love. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide from the big bad world suddenly at your feet. Forced to grow-up practically overnight or face homelessness and extreme adversity.

    Fucked, in every sense of the world.

    Then, imagine, you’re somehow able to beat the odds and get… Read more

    i’m probably not going to be on here for a while cause my parents are taking away my phone. they’re pretty mad. probably gonna get a couple more bruises. pretty hard to type with sprained fingers anyway.