Bruise

Bruise Jokes

Guy

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

"Boxing?"

"No, ... hurdles."

  • 2
  • Blind

    Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

    Her boyfriend was blind too.

  • 5
  • Blood

    Blood is red.

    Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

    Sex

    My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

    You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

    Sex

    My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

    Man

    One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

    Work

    It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

    I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

    Face

    It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!

    Woman

    What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?

    "Will you listen now?!??"