Bruise Jokes

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.


"No, ... hurdles."


My Friend said having sex is alot like your first football game

Your bloody and bruised but at least your dad was there

It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean.. I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises and a broken jaw?

Will you listen now?!?!?