Violence jokes

Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."

Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?

With a blender.

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?

One won't scream when you remove their meat.

"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.

"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.

"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"

"You getting kicked out, bro?"

"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."

"Is she one of them woke bitches?"

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?

Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.

Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?

Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.

Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.