Violence jokes
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?
...Rape.
Rape victim: I want to die.
Man: Hang in there.
Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.
What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?
"Face the wall!"
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
Alahu-Akbar.