Violence Jokes

What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?

"Face the wall!"

How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

The image is a two-panel meme featuring a pink pig character with a friendly expression in the top panel, saying, "hey folks Viewer Mail Time Again!" In the bottom panel, the same pig is holding a package. Text overlaid on the image reads, "This one comes from Theodore J. Kaczynski."

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...

Why did your friend eat the burger?

Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!

Not really. He was just hungry.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

Alahu-Akbar.

An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.

The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

What is red, white, and goes round and round?

A baby in a blender.

What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”

Vote for the better joke.

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"