Violence jokes

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”

A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A. The little girl in my trunk.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?

Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the airplane!"

"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.

"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.

"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"

"You getting kicked out, bro?"

"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."

"Is she one of them woke bitches?"

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?

Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.

Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?

Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.

Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

What's the difference between a pizza & a person?

A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...