Violence jokes

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

What's the difference between a pizza & a person?

A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...

What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.

One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.

No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.

His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.

What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?

...Rape.

What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?

Getting the blood out of your clown suit.

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.