Violence jokes
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
What do you call anal rape?
Ass cream.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
The students at Columbine needed books, but all they got were magazines.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
Your hairline is so far back that even Hitler wouldn't shoot it.
After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.
Q: What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
A: Special forces.
What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?
You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.