Violence jokes

"Sticks and stones break my bones."

A crowbar does it so much quicker.

Guys, I'm back...

Here's my joke:

What is blue and red all over?

Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

What do you call a group of sped kids with AK-47s?

Special forces.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?

A baby in a blender.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?

School shooter.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.

Yeah, that was the punchline.

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?