Violence jokes

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?

A baby in a blender.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?

School shooter.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.

Yeah, that was the punchline.

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

So I punched an orphan...

What's he/she going to do? Tell his/her parents???

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

Want to know what I do in my freetime?

Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.