Action jokes
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.
"Actions speak louder than words."
This doesn't apply to Stephen Hawking, however...
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."
(Bob holds Deric's neck)
Deric: "Water, what are you doing?"
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)
That's it, it wasn't a joke.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Imagine orphans watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.
What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."
She blew on it, and it went hard.
What show do orphans relate to? I'm going with "The Hunger Games."
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.