Action

Action Jokes

Tire

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

Body

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Mama

Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.

Orphan

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Lamp

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

Suicide

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

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  • Feminist

    What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

    At least one does something when it is triggered.

    Baby

    What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

    Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

    Suicide

    If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

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  • Man

    How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

    You wave at him.

    Suicide

    My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.