If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
If a person shoot's a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful or is it murder?
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.
Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
the day after chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital
If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the Movie 300, the movie would be called 1.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.
Chuck Norris and medusa had a staring contest medusa turned to stone
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked." The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flyin around about six inches above the water. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal.”
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal.”
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal.”
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal.”
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal.”
Then it all happened
The fly dropped six inches
The fish came up and caught the fly
The bear came out and caught the fish
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich
The mouse went for the sandwich
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance and I'm tired of it. Today I push him out of his wheelchair.
i went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
the way u talk is so slow that the put u in the movie fast and furious and changed the title to slow and serious!!!😂😂😭
I can explain Superman and Batman movie in one sentence
Two orphans fighting in the rain.
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back
