An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.
Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.
The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
