Violence jokes
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.
"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"
One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!
Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.
My therapist once said, "time heals all wounds." So I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RX XD INBOUND!
If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.
Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??
I wanna fight Gwen!
If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.
What is red and goes 200 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!