What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
People are fighting in a war and a man gets hit 4 times in the arm and says "Tis a Scratch" And the other guy looking at him in shock says "A Scratch, Your Arm is off your body!!"
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
I saw identical twins. I threw a paper plane at them.
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
