Violence jokes

What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?

A microwave won't brown your meat.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.

One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."

When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?

Kid: AK!

Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿‍♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.

Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Bullets.

What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.