Violence jokes
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"
Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Bullets.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it hard enough.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.