Violence jokes
Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it hard enough.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"
POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.
Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
It's not rape if you're both crying.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?
Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"