Vehicle jokes

What is yellow and brings kids to school every day?

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

"Oh, right. How's it going?"

"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

"Wow! What about NATO?"

"They haven't turned up yet."

What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!

Why couldn’t the bike stand up?

Because it was “two tired”!

How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.

What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.

Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.

Boy: ...

Boy: Get the hell out!

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?

Because their car ran out of RHYME.

Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the truck, it breaks.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

Why can lesbians not drive cars?

They always strap the wrong thing on.

Why can't orphans be kidnapped?

Because most kidnappers use a family van.

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.

And then Mark came in.

Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Aaaah, I really wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor...

I really need some new parts to my go-kart.

Why did the turtle start flying? He was on a jet.