Vehicle jokes
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
Memes
How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"