Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.
And then Mark came in.
Why did the turtle start flying? He was on a jet.
Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Aaaah, I really wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor...
I really need some new parts to my go-kart.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!
What did the bulldozer say to the house?
"I wanna bulldoze houses!"
I go beep like a Jeep.
