Vehicle jokes
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Memes
Anyone seen these lately?
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.
And then Mark came in.
Why did the turtle start flying? He was on a jet.
Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Aaaah, I really wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor...
I really need some new parts to my go-kart.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"