Vehicle jokes
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
What's black and has wheels? Black wheels.
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.
What is a car?
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
What's white at the front and black at the back? A bus.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.