Ups jokes

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

Why don’t rappers tell secrets?

Because they always end up DROPPING it.

We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

Yo mama so fat that Hannibal Lecter couldn't eat her up.

Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?

'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.

What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?

"What's up?"

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"

I have a friend named Mole.

She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...

What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

654-721-8940

(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)

What did the blender say to the orange juice?

"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."

What do lovely men and tampons have in common?

Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.

If I went out with a dwarf, when I pick them up, I'll say, "Wassup short?"

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

Spongebob: Easy now, you try first. Get a jar.

Patrick: *picks up nuke*

Spongebob: Patrick, that's a nuke!

Patrick: Yes.

Nuke: *boom*

Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.

Random person: What stuff? 🤨

Me: What?

The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!

Me: Colourful flamingo fart.

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."

I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.