Ups jokes

How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.

What do Americans and stars have in common?

They both love shooting up.

What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.

"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."

When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

Looks like he never charged up fully.

Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.

What did the rapper say to his BLENDER?

"Mix it up, yo!"

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

Where does bad light end up at?

In prism.

Why don't booties get invited to parties?

They tend to CRACK people up!

Why did the chair file a restraining order?

The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!

Wait, this is the category "dick." Sorry yours isn't long for yo mama to get fucked up.

A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.

What do you say to the orphan?

"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"