Ups Jokes

People who are bothering Gwen, stop. This is a joke site, and you guys should know that!

People, she is not even 40 or whatever. I see the comments, and they are so stupid. Do you even know her in life? No!!! Shut up and leave her alone!

What is the continent that ALWAYS sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and that is so tired that it won’t wake up? Eur-ope.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

Why do orphans love tornadoes? Because they always pick you up!

There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.

Why don’t she stand up for herself?

A blue and black Bionicle figure is shown in the center of the image. To the left, a text box reads, "I'm breaking up with you" and another reads, "What?". To the right, a text box reads, "GRRR!" and underneath, another reads, "angry bionicle".

"Roses are red, shut up and go to bed."

A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.

What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?

They always line up.

Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?

Brother: Why though?

Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

How do you make an orphan shut up?

You tell his mom.

Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?

Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.

Farmer's Wife: Why?

Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.

I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"

Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"

And just look up anything that is hot! And don't forget to comment!

Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?

She ended up under the doc[tor].

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

Why did the rapper oil up his notepad?

In case he needed to DROP some FREESTYLE NOTES!

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.