Ups jokes

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"

Looks like he never charged up fully.

Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

Where does bad light end up at?

In prism.

Why don't booties get invited to parties?

They tend to CRACK people up!

Why did the chair file a restraining order?

The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!

Wait, this is the category "dick." Sorry yours isn't long for yo mama to get fucked up.

"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.

A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.

What do you say to the orphan?

"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"

You know shit is going down when anything pumped up kicks related is brought into school.

I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!

To RANDYYYY,

Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.

-ALYA with love

Gwen just wanted to help you with the bullying.

Tip 1. Ignore them; bullies are really just cowards.

Tip 2. Stand up for yourself; it's ok for people to also help you, but you do the same for yourself!

Tip 3. Just let them be; they're just stupid!

Love you-Iariah

A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.

One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."