Ups jokes

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"

The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"

A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?

Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!

Logic fire bars in Fortnite sped up to sound like he [is a] chipmunk like Alvin, Simon, and Theodore :)

if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Bagel."

"Bagel who?"

"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.

This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

10 dicks up your mom's ass!

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?

You end up doing all the work.

Yo momma is so ugly even the trash man wouldn't pick her up.

How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.

What do Americans and stars have in common?

They both love shooting up.

What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.