Ups jokes

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

What happens to emo kids when they go up?

They never come down.

My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.

I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!

Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.

If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!

What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝

Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?

He thinks she should stand up for herself.

This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."

Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.