Ups

Ups jokes

Inch

    • Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.

    Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.

    Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.

    Nathan: WE-WE

    Alicia: WEE-WEE?

    Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes

    Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u

    Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*

    Alicia: *WEIRD*

    Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose

    Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess

    cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou

    nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy

    cuugh umm

  • 2
    • Ups memes

    Pizza

    • I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.

    Russia

    • Russia be like we're strong, gets ass beat up by a comedian with a hook nose...

    #i stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦

    Pineapple

    • Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.

    The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣

  • 15

    • Paycheck

    • What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

    You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

  • 1

    • Tongue

    • "My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

    The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

  • 2

    • Baby

    • So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

  • 3

    • Pilot

    • Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

    Passengers: *Clap*

    Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

    Flight Attendant: And what is that?

    Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

    Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

  • 2

    • Earthquake

    • One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

  • 1

    • Dyslexia

    • Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

  • 0