People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.
Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?
They can't see each other anymore.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
I once went to the bank with some raisins because I wanted to set up a current account.
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.
The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.
