How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
Ups Jokes
Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
Why don't orphans go home at pickup?
Because they don't have parents to pick them up.
This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What happens to emo kids when they go up?
They never come down.
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.
I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!
