Ups jokes

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush? Up Shepherd's leg.

"Up your butt and around the corner!"

What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?

One goes up and one goes down.

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

So three retards walk into a classroom...

Sike, it was the garbage. They mistook it for their classroom.

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

Your mama is so ugly even the trolls threw up.

Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.