Ups Jokes

Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.

These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.

I've been drinking from a tall cup.

His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.

Unless you wanna die

A meme with an image of a woman staring intensely. The text above her reads, "Things you never tell a Latina: -Chill -I'm breaking up with you -Lower your voice -Calm down -Relax -You're crazy [stares in Spanish]"

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.

You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.