Ups jokes

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

I mess up goats for unicorns?

Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.

I don't even know.

A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.

"Candice balls fit up your nose."

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

What happens when a cow farm gets destroyed, then built up again?

It'll be udder renovation!

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.

I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."

Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...

But a creeper blows it up.

Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?

'Cause they just wash up onshore.

When the ugliest cat looked at you, then you search up the ugliest thing in the world, you show up.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?