Time jokes
Now it's time to make fun of Asians.
What do you call an Asian eating jelly? Yellow Jell-O.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.
He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
Kenny is a comfort snacker.
Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.
Jokes about menstruation are never funny, period!
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.